Harry’s worst bullies
by CordialRush
Summary: Taken place during Harry’s fourth year and James and Lily watch their son. Starts off as feel good and happy but then i just stopped giving a shit. R&R and most of all, ENJOY!


Imagine life after death. Imagine a place were there is no wrong and it's exactly like the real world but just with no violence or harm. Imagine dying, then going somewhere and choosing a time in your life when you were most happiest. What did you look like in that period of time? When you die, you take that form of yourself and you live as it until the end of time somewhere beyond all living things. Only wizards get the luxury of going to this place, so, if you are a witch or wizard, consider yourself one of the lucky ones.

 **A/N: Okay, that was cool, why can't I be a** **witch?**

'James, Look! You don't want to miss this, we're about to find out who's names are gonna come out the goblet of fire!' Lily called to her husband, who was playing quidditch with a couple of people behind her.

'Coming, Lily!' Another voice called back.

This is nice, Lily thought. She would never really get used to being dead, though she had been for thirteen years. The all whiteness of the place and the infinite things to do was quite fun. She was standing on a balcony, looking down at her fourteen year old son, Harry. He had no idea he was watching her, and she wondered if he ever thought she was.

The dull thud of shoes landing on the ground let her know that her partner had joined her. He put an arm around her waist and watched the scene before them both, as though he was looking into a penseive.

'The Hogwarts champion will be Cedric Diggory!'

Lily and James watched interestedly as everyone cheered and clapped for the Hogwarts champion. Lily couldn't help but notice how unenthusiastic her son seemed.

The Goblet of Fire lit up again, taking everyone dead, and living by surprise. Another paper flew out of it and Dumbledore, with unnatural agility for his age, caught it.

'Harry Potter.' He Said sarcastically, as though it was a joke, or he couldn't beleive his eyes. ' _Harry Potter._ ' He repeated again, with more force.

'Oh shiyat.' Said Lily, who once again was watching her son. Hermione Granger, who Lily was extremely fond of, because she reminded her or herself, had grabbed his robes and pushed him out of him his seat, so he began walking slowly towards to join the rest of the champions.

James let out a low whistle. 'Lils, our son is gonna be a champion!'

'Shut up. He didn't enter his name.'

'So?'

'James, honestly, get a grip. Someone wants to kill him.'

'But if you die it's not so bad because you get to come here.'

'James, you idiot. Do you want grandchildren?'

'Yeah I suppose. Gotta keep that Potter name running.'

'Exactly. So who entered his bloody name?'

'How am I supposed to know? All you do is stalk him and if you weren't stalking him and instead you were stalking that goblet maybe we would know.'

'Shut it, Potter. I think Dumbledore just abused our son.'

'Oh shit, really?'

'Well, He shook him.'

'That's not so bad, you shake me all the time.'

'Yes but you're 34 and he's 14.'

'Excuse me! I still look 18!'

'That's because you're dead.'

'Oh, right.

'look, Harry just got draped in a Gryffindor flag!'

'Is that the same one that you vandalised?'

'I didn't vandalise it, I signed it.'

'Vandalised.'

'Signed.'

'Vandalised.'

'Signed.'

'Oh, his best mate just accused him of putting his name in that wretched goblet.'

'Hex him, Harry!'

'Ignore him, Harry!'

'It looks like he's going to sleep now. What a pussy, it's only nine.'

'JAMES!'

'It's true though — ow, don't hit me — ah!'

'You're lucky I don't have my sandals with me!'

 **DAYS LEADING UP TO THE YULE BALL**

Lily and James once again looked out over the white pristine balcony to stalk their son.

'Why do they just travel in packs, or lurk under mistletoe like murderers waiting to pounce?' Asked Harry incredulously to Ron Weasley.

'I dunno.' Ron replied.

'Hey, Lily,' Asked James, who seemed to be deep in thought, 'why _do_ they do that?'

'How am I supposed to know? I never really did that, it was Alice and Mary who did. When they die, you'll have to ask them.'

'Oh.'

 **THE NIGHT OF THE YULE BALL**

'James. James. James. _James_. JAMES.' Lily yelled, shaking her husband awake. They were sitting on a new white park bench, which James had transfigured a strand of hair into, because he was tired of leaning on the banister for hours on end. He had dozed off.

'Yes, yes, I'm awake.' He yawned. 'What is it?'

'Harry is getting ready for the Yule ball.' Said Lily, gesturing to her son, who was staring at himself in the mirror.

'That's awfully Narcissistic of him.' Said James.

'That's awfully hypocritical of you.' Shot back Lily. 'At his age, you were the same, worse, even.'

Ron Weasley entered the room, wearing his dress robes, and James lost himself. It took two kicks in the shin from Lily to make him stop laughing.

'Sorry, Lily.' Said James, wiping a tear or joy from his eye. 'It's just he looks like a puppet in a doll's dress.'

'Why are your dress robes so normal?' Asked Ron.

'Well I expect yours are more traditional.' Said Harry, who was biting his lip in an attempt not to laugh.

'Traditional, all right —' began James.

'Shush up, James. I'm trying to study the affects of Jazz and Dim lighting on teenagers.'

'You're a mad woman.'

'Shhhh.'

'Hi, Parvati.' Harry was saying. 'You, er, look nice.'

'Aww that was cute.' Cooed Lily.

'Pussy.' James muttered.

'It's a shame he couldn't go with that Cho girl.' Said Lily.

'He should have dueled Cedric for her.'

'No he shouldn't have! Have you learned anything about dueling!'

'Yes I was top of the class.'

'And its consequences?.'

'Ah. I forget about that part.'

'Mmmm.'

 **TWO MINUTES LATER**

'Oh. Look at the boy. He can't dance for shit.'

'Yes, well Lily, neither of us can, so what do you expect?'

'I suppose. Poor child, why is he embarrassing himself like that?'

'Let's just say he's lucky that Patil girl is steering.'

'Has it ever occurred to you that we are probably our sons worst bullies?'

'Many times, my dear Lilykins.'

 **THE NIGHT OF THE THIRD TASK**

'James our son is duelling Voldemort! Cool!'

'Oh, shiyat there gonna do that wierd thing and we have to come out of Voldy's wand.'

'Oh. Time to act like good parents.'

'That's gonna be hard. I'm kinda glad we died, or the boy would be messed up.'

'Okay, I need to say something about how proud I am.' Lily said, mostly to herself.

'Oh you died after so you go out first.'

'Correct.'

'Recite What you need to say in your mind. We need to be good role models and shit.'

'I know James, Jesus this is gonna be painful for my brain cells.'

'You and me both. Get your acting cap on, Lily.'

 **A/N: so what do you think? I halfassed it towards the end and I'm not sure if it's funny to not because my idea of humour is some twisted shit. I was all inspired at the start and like 2 paragraphs in I was like 'fucket.' So here we are now.**

 **Love**

 **-Joyce**


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